Work in Progress

I am currently building a brand new website here at www.stevedanger.com, I'm working out the kinks and whatnot, but I promise you, it shall be one kick ass site. So for now I shall leave you with this.

Been a while

I haven't posted in quite some time. Have a new job, technically an electronic monitoring consultant these days. Long hours. Anyway, leaving a drunken post as my promise to get back into writing. Writing my book again. It should be a good time.

I'll leave you with this:

Rock on!
Steve Danger

Sunday Night with Steve Danger - December 28, 2008

Welcome to the Christmas Edition of Thursday Night with Steve Danger. Ok, so Christmas has come and gone now. It was a very good Christmas for a change, I spent most of the time drunk off my ass, which always a good thing. Laughed as my six nephews kicked the crap out of my cousin, that was awesome (not badly, they're all under 9 years old). Now the long stretch to the New Year, I can't wait. So my next TNWSD is probably going to be late too. Why? Because I'll be working on my first hangover of 2009.

What I got for Christmas and why it's awesome

I have wanted these books since I first seen them announced a while ago, just had no idea where to find them (other than a bookstore, but I don't support big businesses such as Borders or Barnes & Nobles, not even Amazon.com) but basically they're about the history of each comic book character and are filled with all sorts of neat stuff that you can't find anymore, even reproductions of never-before-seen "ashcan covers".

See? It's filled with all sorts of cool stuff! I wish I could find one for DC.

And that's all I have to say about that. What did you get for Christmas?

Rock on!
Steve Danger

Thursday Night with Steve Danger - December 18, 2008

Well, just one more week until Christmas. So welcome to the "Just One More Week Until the Christmas Edition of Thursday Nights with Steve Danger".

All I want for Christmas...

Here's my list.

• All-Star Superman action figure from DC Direct
• Sinestro Corps War Sinestro Action Figure from DC Direct
• Wacom Cintique 21UX Tablet
• Apple Time Capsule
• Socks
• Green Lantern Hoodie from Graphitti Designs
• All-Star Superman Vol. 2 Softcover
• Heroes Vol. 2 Hardcover
• The Spirit Vol. 2 Hardcover
• My Name is Earl - Season 3

What do you want for Christmas?

Winter Sucks. Period.

Thousands of years ago when the white stuff first started to fall upon our caveman ancestors they bundled up in fur, lots of fur. Then sat in caves for days at a time, around a small fire and grunted about how much winter sucked; come spring they forgot all about winter and how much it sucked and stuck around... then winter came again and they huddled back up and wondered why they didn't use the time to find someplace warmer to live. At least this is the way I imagine it.

Over the ages we've created things like snow suits, snow shoes, snow shovels and still we bitch and moan about the weather, I'm probably the worst offender for this. In order to curb the bitching a bit we decided what we need are winter activities, such as skiing, snowboarding, hockey (ok this one is awesome and the only good thing about winter) snowmobiling, skating and other things we say are "fun". I believe Christmas was invented to offset this feeling of shittyness, like an apology for having to deal with it.

Don't even get me started on driving. No, 4X4 does not mean you're not going to get into an accident; no, snow tires aren't going to make you invincible, so slow the hell down; hell, even in a 4X4 with duelies with snow tires it does not mean you can drive like it's summer, that's just idiotic. You meet a hooker who's quite obviously got 18 different diseases plus a monkey on her back doesn't mean "hey, I have a chain on my wallet and a condom on my dick, let 'er rip!" You're still going to end up in a bathtub full of ice, missing a kidney... and two different brands of hepatitis.

Oh and I totally stole some images from here.

Rock on!
Steve Danger

2008 - Year of Living Dangerously

2008 went by pretty quickly, it seems like I just woke up with my first hangover of the year on January 1st last week. So much happened in such a short time, more beer than the year previous, new opportunities and now preparing for 2009. But before that happens, I want to take a look back at the last 12 months and pick out my favorite things. You may disagree with me, but hey, that's why they call me Steve Danger (it's not like I picked that name myself or anything).

Best Comic Series
WINNER: Action Comics
This one was a huge toss up between Green Lantern and Action Comics; like no other year before was I so engrossed by the story lines. But in the end I had to give it to Action Comics; The GL team hit it huge with Sinestro Corps War, but lost me a bit afterwards until Secret Origins, while Action Comics kept me coming back month after month starting with Superman and the Legion of Super-Heroes, through the single shot villains revamps, right into the current New Krypton this book has just been better and better each of these 12 issues.

Honorable Mentions

• Green Lantern - DC
• Thor - Marvel
• Invincible - Image

Best Single Comic
WINNER: Final Crisis: Legion of 3 Worlds #1
I re-read this one three times the day I got it. It's still not to far away from me at anytime just so I can grab it again and re-read it. Why is it the best for me? Under Geoff John's pen any virgin to the Legion or DC Comics reader for that matter can pick this one up and follow along, it sets everything up neatly and there are no less than four holy shit! moments. Not to mention George Perez's awesome artwork.

Honorable Mentions

• Final Crisis #1
• Green Lantern #25
• Blue Beetle #24

Best Comic Company
WINNER: DC COMICS
Anyone who knows me knows there is no other answer. The honest truth is that I've picked up at least six DC books per month, plus a pile of trades this year, while others I might have only picked up one or two books per month. As well as their Vertigo and ABC line of books that I absolutely love.

Honorable Mentions

• Marvel Comics
• Image Comics
• Archie Comics (yes, I still read Archie)

Best Comic Movie
WINNER: The Dark Knight
This movie was just too good to award it to anyone else. The only other real contender was Iron Man in level of "good movie" or "done right". Ok, that's a lie, I really only enjoyed the Joker and Two-Face parts, but even if you were to cut out absolutely everything else out and left just the villain parts it still would have beat the pants off of the other movies this summer.

Honorable Mentions

• Iron Man
• Hellboy 2
• Incredible Hulk

Best Action Movie
WINNER: Pineapple Express
You don't think this is an action movie? Check out the body count, the explosions, the flying bullets and the ever epic move "DEATH FROM ABOVE!" There were three movies this summer I watched more than once in theaters, Dark Knight, Hancock and this one, but to be fair the second viewing of Hancock wasn't my choice of movie but I wasn't paying for the ticket so I had no problems with seeing it again.

Honorable Mentions

• Cloverfield
• Tropic Thunder
• Hancock

Best Animated Movie
WINNER: Kung-Fu Panda
Kung-Fu Panda had it all, Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman, a great plot (if even just uses the old formula) the animation was absolutely superb, the jokes were good and it was an all around family friendly feel good movie. Sha-doosh.

Honorable Mentions

• JLA: New Frontier
• Superman: Doomsday
• Batman: Gotham Knight

Best Video Game
WINNER: Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe
I'm not much of a gamer, so you can argue this all you want. But out of all the games I played this year (maybe 10 or 12) I kept coming back to this one, even going as far as playing it on single player mode. I've used every character only real complaint was the lack of hidden characters. My favorites to use are Liu Kang, Captain Marvel and the Joker.

Honorable Mentions

• Guitar Hero: World Tour
• Rockband 2
• Rockband: AC/DC Live

Best Television Show
WINNER: My Name is Earl
This is the one show I make sure to catch every single week and gone so far as to have boughten the first two seasons on DVD and plan on picking up the 3rd as soon as possible. From Earl and Randy to all the other residents of Camden County this show keeps me in stitches. The only complaint? The 2008 US Election (you must remember it) just happened to be on a Thursday this year... which meant no Earl. I was sad.

Honorable Mentions

• Supernatural
• Heroes
• Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles

Best Cartoon Series
WINNER: Robot Chicken
This show is great. I watch it generally at night, there's not a whole lot else on, but hey, even if there was, I'd probably watch this. Some of the material makes you laugh enough to almost piss yourself, or enough to gross you out a little bit, but at the end of the day it's a great show that keeps me coming back for more.

Honorable Mentions

• The Simpson's
• Batman: The Brave and the Bold
• Moral Orel

And those are Steve Danger's picks of 2008. What were yours?

Rock on!
Steve Danger

Stupid Car

That is my car. It is not a very good car. It does go zoom zoom zoom when I want it to, sure. But so far it is not a very good winter car. First it couldn't make it up a snowy hill on this year's first snowfall. Now it's dead sitting in a gas station parking lot unable to start. It has managed to piss me off twice in one week. My last car, the legendary toyota tercel never let me down, not once. It wasn't a very pretty car, I'd have to push the bumper back on every time I got in, I was afraid to wash it, I'm pretty sure the dirt was holding it together. But, so far, it was a far superior car to the "malibu", it's even got a pussy name.... malibu... feh.

I miss my car.

Rock on!
Steve Danger

Sunday Night with Steve Danger - December 14, 2008

I missed it on thursday... no real reason, just really lazy. So welcome the first installment of Sunday Night with Steve Danger! Let's get to it, shall we?

For the love of Comics

I just really love comic books. Ever since I was but a wee lad of a single digit age, I have loved comics. I don't know why, I don't remember my first comic, I just assume it was a Superman book of some sort around the time I was maybe four years old... but that's just a guess, I honestly can't remember. For me, comic books have just always been part of my life.

And I am not alone. There are tons of comic book fans out there, some even famous. Nicholas Cage was born Nicholas Coppola and picked his sage name after Marvel super-hero Luke Cage. Shaquille O'Neal of the NBA team Phoenix Suns has more Superman embossed memorabilia than any sports player should. Even Samual L. "Snakes on A Plane" Jackson is a life long comic book fan who often accepts roles due to their comic booky origins. Plup Secret reveals the Top Ten Celebrity Comic Book Geeks.

Comics have had a huge impact over the years, shaping North American Pop Culture for over 100 years now. But more than that they shined a light on the plight of the common man during the 1920's and dirty 30's; exposed our xenophobia during the sci-fi age of the 50's; immortalized monsters and our darkest nightmares in the 70's; forced us to look deeper into the cold war and what it was doing the world during the 80's; and even up to today they're focusing on how dark our world is becoming today, from terrorism to the rich who eat the poor.

Our world is going to hell in a hand-basket. It's rough times for everyone right now, with the recession forcing economies into a free fall, war plaguing the Middle East, xenophobia is back on the rise. Movies and television is doing nothing but spreading those fears and concerns, using those concerns to sell their own messages creating a subtle blanket of panic around the population.

We should be downplaying these fears, we should be focusing on how to pull ourselves back up instead of wondering how far we can sink. It was never a problem before for our comic book heroes to give us hope and that's what we need today. In days gone by we created solutions to our problems instead of simply being afraid of our own shadows.

Check out these awesome five comic super-heroes who made a real-world difference - From Mental Floss

1. Superman Defeats the Ku Klux Klan
In the 1940s, The Adventures of Superman was a radio sensation. Kids across the country huddled around their sets as the Man of Steel leapt off the page and over the airwaves. Although Superman had been fighting crime in print since 1938, the weekly audio episodes fleshed out his storyline even further. It was on the radio that Superman first faced kryptonite, met The Daily Planet reporter Jimmy Olsen, and became associated with “truth, justice, and the American way.” So, it’s no wonder that when a young writer and activist named Stetson Kennedy decided to expose the secrets of the Ku Klux Klan, he looked to a certain superhero for inspiration.

In the post-World War II era, the Klan experienced a huge resurgence. Its membership was skyrocketing, and its political influence was increasing, so Kennedy went undercover to infiltrate the group. By regularly attending meetings, he became privy to the organization’s secrets. But when he took the information to local authorities, they had little interest in using it. The Klan had become so powerful and intimidating that police were hesitant to build a case against them. Struggling to make use of his findings, Kennedy approached the writers of the Superman radio serial. It was perfect timing. With the war over and the Nazis no longer a threat, the producers were looking for a new villain for Superman to fight. The KKK was a great fit for the role. In a 16-episode series titled “Clan of the Fiery Cross,” the writers pitted the Man of Steel against the men in white hoods. As the storyline progressed, the shows exposed many of the KKK’s most guarded secrets. By revealing everything from code words to rituals, the program completely stripped the Klan of its mystique. Within two weeks of the broadcast, KKK recruitment was down to zero. And by 1948, people were showing up to Klan rallies just to mock them.

2. Popeye Helps America Survive the Great Depression
Everyone knows Popeye’s secret. Whenever the cartoon sailor is on the verge of losing a fight, he squeezes open a can of spinach, pours the greens down his throat, and uses his supercharged muscles to pummel opponents. But fewer people know that the U.S. government is directly responsible for his dependence on canned vegetables.

In the 1930s, America was mired in the Great Depression, and the government was looking for a way to promote iron-rich spinach as a meat substitute. To help spread the word, they hired one of America’s favorite celebrities, Popeye the Sailor Man. It was a smart plan. In all of the comic strips to that point, Popeye’s superhuman strength had never been explained. But with the government’s campaign in place, Popeye was suddenly more than willing to share the secret to his strength. Sure enough, soon after Popeye took up spinach, American sales of the mighty veggie increased by one-third. Better still, American children rated it their third favorite food, right after turkey and ice cream.

But it wasn’t just spinach the government was endorsing. They were also pushing the merits of canned food. U.S. officials wanted Americans to know that cans were the perfect way to stock up on emergency rations.

While Popeye should be applauded for persuading a nation to eat its greens, he did mislead people a bit. The government’s enthusiasm for spinach was based in part on the calculations of German scientist Dr. E von Wolf, who’d discovered in 1870 that spinach contains iron. When calculating the results, he misplaced a decimal point, thereby making it “official” that spinach had 10 times more iron than it actually did. Not until years later were these figures rechecked. But by then, everyone was downing their spinach, hoping to be as tough as Popeye.

3. Captain Marvel Jr. Saves the Bad-Hair Day
Like most American kids in the 1940s, Elvis Presley fantasized about growing up to be like his favorite comic book superheroes. But it turns out that The King might have been more interested in their fashion statements than their special powers.

During his early teen years, Elvis was obsessed with Captain Marvel Jr., known as “America’s most famous boy hero.” A younger version of Captain Marvel, the character sported an unusual hairstyle that featured a curly tuft of hair falling over the side of his forehead.

Sound familiar? When Elvis set out to conquer America with his rock ‘n’ roll ways, he copied the ’do, thus making it one of the most famous hairstyles of the 20th century. But that wasn’t all. Captain Marvel also gets credit for the short capes Elvis wore on the back of his jumpsuits, as well as The King’s famous TCB logo, which bears a striking resemblance to Marvel’s lightning bolt insignia. Of course, Elvis never tried to hide his love for the Captain. A copy of Captain Marvel Jr. #51 still sits in his preserved childhood bedroom in an apartment in Memphis, and his full comics collection remains intact in the attic at Graceland. Plus, the admiration was mutual. Captain Marvel Jr. paid tribute to The King in one issue, referring to the singer as “the greatest modern-day philosopher.”

4. Donald Duck’s Scientific Breakthrough
In 1966, Danish engineer Karl Krøyer developed a method for raising sunken ships off the ocean floor by injecting them with polystyrene foam balls. However, when Krøyer tried to license his invention with the Dutch patent office, he was denied. Donald Duck had beaten him to the punch by 22 years.

Indeed, Krøyer’s concept could be traced back to a Donald Duck comic conceived by Carl Barks. In addition to being the most celebrated artist of the Donald Duck comics, Barks was known for his scientific prowess. So in a 1944 story, when Donald got a bump on his head that turned him into a genius, the duck managed to mumble, “If I mix CH2 [a methylene compound] with NH4 [ammonium] and boil the atoms in osmotic fog, I should get speckled nitrogen!”

Although it sounded like nonsense, it wasn’t. In 1963, chemists P.P. Gaspar and G.S. Hammond wrote a technical article about methylene that included a reference to the Donald Duck story. The final paragraph read, “Among experiments which have not, to our knowledge, been carried out as yet is one of a most intriguing nature suggested in the literature of no less than 19 years ago.” A footnote revealed that “literature” as the Donald Duck comic. It seems the web-footed children’s hero had deduced the chemical intermediate long before it had been proven to exist.

But why were these top American chemists looking to comics for inspiration? Apparently, Dr. Gaspar had been a lifelong Donald Duck fan, and he’d rediscovered Donald’s early reference to methylene while collecting old copies of the classic adventures. Gaspar never disclosed how much his work owed to Duckburg’s most famous resident, but then again, how many scientists would confess that they used comic books to bolster their research?

5. A Spider-Man Villain Keeps Folks Out of Jail
In a 1977 edition of Spider-Man, Peter Parker has the tables turned on him. The villain, Kingpin, tracks down Spidey using an electronic transmitter that he’d fastened to the superhero’s wrist. Although Kingpin loses in the end (he always does), one New Mexico judge saw beauty in his plan. Inspired by the strip, Judge Jack Love turned to computer salesman Michael Goss and asked if he could create a similar device to keep track of crime suspects awaiting trial. In 1983, Goss produced his first batch of electronic monitors. Authorities in Albuquerque then tested the devices on five offenders, using the gadgets as an alternative to incarceration. Today, the transmitters are a common sight in courtrooms across the country, usually in the form of electronic ankle bracelets. Most famously, Martha Stewart donned one while she was under house arrest in 2004. Perhaps she would have felt better knowing that the gadget had once nabbed Spider-Man, too.

Rock on!
Steve Danger

I am a GOD

Today, I did the impossible. Twice. I resurrected two xboxes from the dead. To be truthful, only one had the dreaded Red Ring of Death, the other only had a problem with it's DVD Rom. Both were out of warranty, so their owners both CAUTIOUSLY gave their prized possessions in my hands. I knelt down and laid my hand upon them and raised them from the grave. Glory to me! All hail Steve Danger, a God among Xbox... people!

Now if I only knew how to actually play the damn thing. Too many buttons.

Rock on!
Steve Danger

Spies, more spies and dumb teachers

Spies in Canada

Apparently for the last five years there has been a foreign spy network operating in Canada, five years at the least.
This comes to light courtesy of the Financial Transactions and Reports Analysis Centre of Canada (FINTRAC). With over $35 million transfered through Canadian and other foreign companies these spies "were shipping restricted materials in a manner designed to avoid detection and circumvent applicable laws," (pretty lengthy way of saying "smuggling") by "previously unrecognized individuals as part of a known terrorist group" the report continues.
What the report doesn't say is what, exactly, they were smuggling or who was doing it. A few security specialists say it was "likely China or Iran." Senator Colin Kenny goes as far as saying "We've been very concerned, particularly about the Chinese."
That's nice, without all the facts in place we're going to go ahead and start pointing fingers, and hey, the US has been trying to pick a fight with China and Iran for a while now, might as well jump on that band wagon while the jumping's good.

Our own spies not so great

The new book, 'Covert Entry' was released recently. Former Globe and Mail journalist Andrew Mitrovica let's us in a whole bunch of tidbits we wouldn't ordinarily know about the Canadian Security Intelligence Service (CSIS... yeah, that name strikes fears in the hearts of our enemies). I have selected some of my favorite snafus for your reading pleasure:

• They've been stealing your mail. So stop blaming your neighbor. Oh, and breaking into your car, so maybe it wasn't that "punk kid down the street".
• CSIS agents used binoculars to watch women undress. Hey, there could be a bomb hidden in-between those ta-tas.
• Smuggling alcohol from the US for a wedding. Nothing says 'party over here, ya'll' like free booze.
• 'For Members Only' travel agency which gives great prices on family vacations for CSIS and Police officers. Just because you're a spy doesn't mean you can't be an entrepreneur.
• One CSIS member took a pair of rollerblades from Russian spies as a "souvenir". It's not only fun, it's also practical, spies gotta stay healthy.
• Building contractor was put on CSIS payroll... to fix the houses of the senior officers. Then let him accompany them on secret operations. I figure a building contractor's gotta know the good places a terrorist would hide national secrets.

Kinda gives you and idea why FINTRAC (yeah, I never heard about them until today either) was the group to break the story about the foreign spy group. CSIS was much to busy helping themselves to the cookies in the cookie jar.

Ontario teachers don't want to work

73,000 public elementary teachers want fewer teaching days. Oh, be quiet and get back to work. "Boo hoo, the others guys get 375 minutes of prep time to prepare material, we only get 200," which leads me to ask: how long does it take to prepare macaroni and glitter anyway? You sound like my nephew, "but Billy gets to stay up until 9, it's not fair." It's not enough that you get three months off in the summer? I don't get three months off, why the hell should anyone else?

Why the cheerleader? I have no idea. She's hot though.

Rock on!
Steve Danger

Thursday Night with Steve Danger - December 4th, 2008

Automatic Bathrooms and the a civilization doomed to stupidity

Know what else I'm sick of. These new "modern" bathrooms. Just setting us up for an even stupider next generation. There's not even a damn door on these things anymore, have you noticed that? No, instead you get this twisted hallway maze. Then the first thing I notice is most places have taken the peeker-guard out, so there's nothing there from to protect you from the lurking eyes of the peepers. Then you go to reach for the flusher stick, but what!? Where the fuck did it go, so you look for it and as you move about the fucking thing magically flushes on it's own! HOLY SHIT! That's fucking amazing, so you bounce around the bathroom for a minute, or if you're like me for twelve fucking minutes straight trying to figure out how the fuck you just did that, looking like some Downs Syndrome kid hopped up on speed! Tounge out and as many fucked up faces you can muster, shaking your ass, flailing your limbs about to get it going again. Then when you're finally worn out from that it's time to wash your hands, but something doesn't seem right... oh shit! THERE'S NO FUCKING TAPS! So you bustle around looking for anyway to wash your hands because you were so goddamn freaked out by the magical flushing toilet you accidentally got some on your hands. You can't meet your girlfriend's father with piss on your hands!! Unless he drunkly raped your girlfriend's pet sheep once on her tenth birthday, that bastard can rot in hell. But no, so you panic, grabbing at the tap, to find that once, yes, it too is automatic! Fucking technology! Wonder of the ages!!! Alas, it's also depressing because it feels like SOMEONE IS PISSING ON YOUR FUCKING HANDS! What happened to a little something called WATER PRESSURE! Just a little bit, is that enough to ask? C'MON! So you sit there, and sit there and sit there before your hands are wet enough to properly employ the right amount of soap, yet it still doesn't lather, you rub and rub and rub and it doesn't lather, it just get slimy! Then you try to wash it off but it doesn't come off, that fucking automatic tap keeps fucking with you, just as you feel it start to come off the tap automatically shuts off!!! Off and on off and on for minutes while you frantically try and get the living slime that has decided your hands are the perfect home and refuses to leave off when you realize you've been in there for 20 goddamn minutes! So faster your scrub and when you think you got it all and shut off the taps you still feel it, it didn't go anywhere, it just embedded deeper! So you sit there for another five minutes scrubbing! FINALLY! IT'S GONE! VICTORY OVER THE EVIL CLING-ON SOAP SLIME CREATURE! Now, for the victory drying! Wow! They even still have paper towels! Good old paper towels, something you can finally touch! So you go for the lever... AND THERE'S NO FUCKING LEVER! What the fuck happened to the fucking lever! Then it dawns on you and you become sad with the simple realization that we no longer live in a society that promotes closeness as paper towel pours out single sheet at a time automatically.

Can't be 'em... gang up together and steal

Goddamn Canadian government. Harper's a fuck up, he's screwing the Canadian people over, doing all sorts of shady business (like this thing about putting 14 year old kids and mental patients in regular prisons, no? How about cutting funding for the arts and many, many other funding cuts? "Pop-up schools" ring any bells?), not doing a goddamn thing about our economy which needs a boost before it seriously begins to free fall like the Americans; the Conservative party leadership members have gotten bigger pay raises this year than ever before... the sad part? He's STILL the more qualified leader than his opponents. After I voted, (NDP out of habit) I stopped and for the first time actually thought about our parties leaders... not a goddamn one of them is worth voting for.

Now, being a bunch of whiners, they go and create a "Canadian Coalition" to oust PM Harper. Sure, our liberal parties finally joining together sounds all fine and dandy, until you stop to think that these are the same assholes who campaigned against one another using mud slinging tactics (Harper was the only one not to use scare tactics and tried to present himself as the "regular guy" candidate), it's dirty politics. What happens if they do succeed? Well shit, then we go back to the goddamn polls and we have three leaders fighting against each other trying to use one another for the "ultimate position". Nothing would change. They don't want to help Canadians, they want to help themselves, their constituents and power backers to make money, that's all.

I ain't voting this next time around, not until we get some better party leaders... there's just nobody worth voting for. Fuck all four parties. Vote for Steve Danger.

Rock on!
Steve Danger

Hat and Fish

My fish is so awesome I had to take a photo. My hat is so awesome I had to throw it in. I stubbed my toe trying to take this photo, so you better appreciate how awesome they both are. This photo was taken with my built in webcam and I am much too lazy to open photoshop.

Also, I have to say, the John Oliver bit on tonight's Daily Show was fucking awesome.

Now. The hat. And Fish.



Kneel before Steve.

Rock on!
Steve Danger

Earl and Randy Hickey

The title should say it all.

Rock on!
Steve Danger

Thursday Night with Steve Danger - November 27th, 2008

Holy fuck, I can't believe I'm actually continuing this stupid idea this week. But what the fuck, it's for a good cause, right? The good cause being getting others to write blogs as well because lord knows I don't want to read this, so why would you? I've decided the best thing to do is just pick three topics and blab on about them for a little bit. This week is drinking, McDonald's and putting starfish in their place.

Drunk Ideas... that sounded great at the time

Like most people, there have been a few times in my life where I did something stupid because I was drinking... ok, so there's been many, many times in my life I did something stupid because I was drinking and the only reason I did it was because it seemed like a good idea at the time. So I've written up the Top Five things NOT TO DO when drinking.

5. NEVER drink Jägermeister. Ever. You might end up naked under a tree. That's best case scenario.

4. DON'T drunk dial ANYONE for ANY REASON. This includes txt's and e-mails. Not even your dog.

3. STAY with a group you know, before you wake up in a gutter. Naked... in another time zone.

2. Shopping while drunk is a NO-NO. Especially TP. Double especially if you try to use it before you leave the store.

1. Riding a bike sounds like a good idea. It's not. Trust me. I'm not going to tell you why, just don't do it. EVER.

McDonalds and why Ronald will fuck your shit up

I swear, as quickly as it goes straight through me -- and I mean right through me, I have a big old squishy shit about half an hour after anything with the golden arches logo -- it's still the only food that makes me feel better when I'm sick, well, their fries anyway. But I also have some words for those "I don't eat McDonald's" people: You're a fucking liar. You've eaten McDonald's, hell, you've eaten McDonald's and liked it. Then you turned around and lied to everyone, but mostly yourself when you said "McDonald's is gross". Shut the fuck up and grab yourself a Big Mac. Sure, it doesn't even taste like meat anymore, but there's so much fucking sugar and fat in just one double quarter pounder with cheese that it'll clog your arteries just as fast. Everyone knows your secret, you're a "rebel", going against the grain. Just because there's a McDonald's around every corner, in damn near every city in the world, some out in the middle of rain forests and probably a few floating out in the middle of the ocean randomly. You can't fight that. Not even the American Army could fight that. If it was a war between a country and all the McDonald's employees world wide, in sheer manpower it would not be fight, McDonald's would massacre you, and look at the shit they pour down your throat, they have no mercy. So bow down before the clown or he'll fuck your shit up.

Fucking smug ass shithead starfish

You heard me. Starfish. Fuck starfish. Think they're better than us, all growing back entire bodies. How much would that suck? I get my arm chopped off but I don't grow a new one nor does my arm grow an entire fucking me. Everyone would hate that shit, "look! I'm alive and well! And there's FIVE of me now!" Man, imagine if Hitler were a Starfish, ten bucks says we wouldn't think they're so goddamn pretty. They're fucking creepy. And don't get me started on sea-horses, fuck you sea-horses.

And that's all I got for this week.

Rock on!
Steve Danger

What the fuck was that?

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - Fucking stupid/10

That was so bad. So, so bad. Like, really, really so fucking bad. Like I don't know if I seen any shit worse than this. Seriously. I watched this really fucking stupid movie called Fast Track last night, and I swear to fucking god at the very end they drove away to imagination land. No word of a fucking lie. Fucking Imagination Land. Don't believe me? Go rent it, it is hands down the worst movie I ever fucking seen... until Indiana Jones 4. That made Fast Track look like The goddamn Godfather compared to watching this shit. Don't believe me? Go rent them both. I dare you.

Rock on!
Steve Danger

A quicky

I dunno. This started out as a sketch and turned into a full fledged colored drawing. Skipped the shading though, might go back and add that in.

Rock on!
Steve Danger

Thursday Night with Steve Danger - November 20th, 2008

So I figured I'd start doing a weekly blog column. Why the hell not? Will I actually follow through and do another next week? Probably not. But for fun let's pretend for a bit that I will. What's that? What's it about? I have no idea. But the fun is that neither do you. Why should you read it? Sure there's a million other blogs out there about nothing, but there is only one Steve Danger. That's why, fuckers.

Comic Books -- Ok, so maybe it's mostly Little Nemo

Not any single comic or trade paperback, but comic in general are a fucked up medium. Just think about it. You know why some of these stories are comics? Because nobody else other than a comic book company would have the balls to tell these stories. Going way back to the late 1800's when comics were really first accepted as a story telling device, such as Little Nemo in Slumberland, a comic published in the New York Herald from 1905 until 1927. Even by today's standards this was one dark and surreal comic, filled with all kinds of fucked up shit. Today, it doesn't matter what you're into (you sick fuck) there's a comic out there for you.

Television - Or the lack therefore of

What the fuck is up with TV? Everyone I know always says "Two hundred channels of nothing," and I cringe every single fucking time. STOP SAYING IT! We know there's nothing on! TV sucks! The entire entertainment industry designed to keep your attention away from what's really going on behind the curtains that the Wizard hides behind. That being said, I still spend a good three or four hours in front of my television every single day, even more on the weekend. I even have the enhanced package with the extra channels. I really like Supernatural and My Name is Earl.

Microwaveable Meat - The devil's secret weapon

Never eat this shit. Ever. It is so nasty. I had five. I have three left. I wish I had not eaten the other two. Still gives me shivers thinking about it. The... object seen here is Lilydale Latitudes Chicken Tomato Primavera & Bell Peppers.
Here are the "cooking" directions:

Tear pouch slightly at notch to vent and place upright in microwave. Microwave on high for 60 seconds. Pull tear strip to open and carefully pour contents onto plate. Mix and match with Latitudes chicken dishes.

I don't know about you, but that doesn't sound exactly safe. But fuck it, I have a stomach of steel! There are few foods that can scare me. No matter how old. I could do Survivor challenges (am I the only one still making Survivor jokes?). I swear to god, I have never eaten anything so vial in my life. Sweep the floor, vacuum the carpet, mix that in a pot with five year old tomatoes then take a big shit in it. That's what this tasted like.

Rock on!
Steve Danger

Swampy Ball Wipes

Uncomfortable? Unlucky in love? Scared others will get a whiff of your swampy balls?

Well fret no more!

Steve Danger is proud to announce:

SWAMPY BALL WIPES!

Did you know that 1 in three men suffer from swampy balls syndrome, or SBS? This debilitating condition has caused lack of confidence, loveless lives and in extreme conditions even chaffing of the ball sack area.

Get your confidence back. With Swampy Ball Wipes you can now walk proudly knowing your balls are no longer swampy.

And we're also proud to introduce: SCENTED Swampy Ball Wipes! Never again will your lady wrinkle her nose with pleasant scents like: Tropic Express, Arctic Thunder, Desert Pineapple and many more!

So remember, your balls don't have to be swampy any longer with Swampy Ball Wipes!

Rock on!
Steve Danger

Welcome to the Monkeysphere.

We got fun 'n' games. We got everything you want.

Rock on!
Steve Danger

McPhosphogluconolactone

Dear Steve,
Hexose Monophosphate Shunt

Aldolasio McPhosphogluconolactone jr.

Dear Al-al... Dear Mexican Jr. Dude,
The main metabolic pathway in activated neutrophils, rendering them relatively insensitive to inhibitors of oxidative phosphorylation. Congenital deficiency of the first enzyme in the shunt, glucose 6 phosphate dehydrogenase, produces a sensitivity to infection similar to that seen in chronic granulomatous disease.

Rock on!
Steve Danger

Fuck!!
Not only it bothers me in school, it could kill me!!
AHHHHHH!!!

Aldolasio McPhosphogluconolactone jr.

Dear Jr.,
Finish school. Learn how to make this shit. I will hire you to make me lots and we'll hold the world ransom.

Rock on!
Steve Danger

Dear Steve,
your own body does that pathway every freakin moment of the day.
I can learn how to make LSD, though.
Let me know if you're still interested.

Aldolasio McPhosphogluconolactone jr.

Dear Al,
We're in business.

Rock on!
Steve Danger

Open Invitation

Ok. I decided that I am knowledgeable. Steve knows all of life's mysteries and is freely giving advice to the regular person, that being you. So bring it on. Bring me your questions of life, the universe, or anything and I have the answer.

Oh, and occasionally I will post drawings. And along the way I'll kick the shit out of this layout too.

Rock on!
Steve Danger