Thursday Night with Steve Danger - November 27th, 2008

Holy fuck, I can't believe I'm actually continuing this stupid idea this week. But what the fuck, it's for a good cause, right? The good cause being getting others to write blogs as well because lord knows I don't want to read this, so why would you? I've decided the best thing to do is just pick three topics and blab on about them for a little bit. This week is drinking, McDonald's and putting starfish in their place.

Drunk Ideas... that sounded great at the time

Like most people, there have been a few times in my life where I did something stupid because I was drinking... ok, so there's been many, many times in my life I did something stupid because I was drinking and the only reason I did it was because it seemed like a good idea at the time. So I've written up the Top Five things NOT TO DO when drinking.

5. NEVER drink Jägermeister. Ever. You might end up naked under a tree. That's best case scenario.

4. DON'T drunk dial ANYONE for ANY REASON. This includes txt's and e-mails. Not even your dog.

3. STAY with a group you know, before you wake up in a gutter. Naked... in another time zone.

2. Shopping while drunk is a NO-NO. Especially TP. Double especially if you try to use it before you leave the store.

1. Riding a bike sounds like a good idea. It's not. Trust me. I'm not going to tell you why, just don't do it. EVER.

McDonalds and why Ronald will fuck your shit up

I swear, as quickly as it goes straight through me -- and I mean right through me, I have a big old squishy shit about half an hour after anything with the golden arches logo -- it's still the only food that makes me feel better when I'm sick, well, their fries anyway. But I also have some words for those "I don't eat McDonald's" people: You're a fucking liar. You've eaten McDonald's, hell, you've eaten McDonald's and liked it. Then you turned around and lied to everyone, but mostly yourself when you said "McDonald's is gross". Shut the fuck up and grab yourself a Big Mac. Sure, it doesn't even taste like meat anymore, but there's so much fucking sugar and fat in just one double quarter pounder with cheese that it'll clog your arteries just as fast. Everyone knows your secret, you're a "rebel", going against the grain. Just because there's a McDonald's around every corner, in damn near every city in the world, some out in the middle of rain forests and probably a few floating out in the middle of the ocean randomly. You can't fight that. Not even the American Army could fight that. If it was a war between a country and all the McDonald's employees world wide, in sheer manpower it would not be fight, McDonald's would massacre you, and look at the shit they pour down your throat, they have no mercy. So bow down before the clown or he'll fuck your shit up.

Fucking smug ass shithead starfish

You heard me. Starfish. Fuck starfish. Think they're better than us, all growing back entire bodies. How much would that suck? I get my arm chopped off but I don't grow a new one nor does my arm grow an entire fucking me. Everyone would hate that shit, "look! I'm alive and well! And there's FIVE of me now!" Man, imagine if Hitler were a Starfish, ten bucks says we wouldn't think they're so goddamn pretty. They're fucking creepy. And don't get me started on sea-horses, fuck you sea-horses.

And that's all I got for this week.

Rock on!
Steve Danger

What the fuck was that?

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - Fucking stupid/10

That was so bad. So, so bad. Like, really, really so fucking bad. Like I don't know if I seen any shit worse than this. Seriously. I watched this really fucking stupid movie called Fast Track last night, and I swear to fucking god at the very end they drove away to imagination land. No word of a fucking lie. Fucking Imagination Land. Don't believe me? Go rent it, it is hands down the worst movie I ever fucking seen... until Indiana Jones 4. That made Fast Track look like The goddamn Godfather compared to watching this shit. Don't believe me? Go rent them both. I dare you.

Rock on!
Steve Danger

A quicky

I dunno. This started out as a sketch and turned into a full fledged colored drawing. Skipped the shading though, might go back and add that in.

Rock on!
Steve Danger

Thursday Night with Steve Danger - November 20th, 2008

So I figured I'd start doing a weekly blog column. Why the hell not? Will I actually follow through and do another next week? Probably not. But for fun let's pretend for a bit that I will. What's that? What's it about? I have no idea. But the fun is that neither do you. Why should you read it? Sure there's a million other blogs out there about nothing, but there is only one Steve Danger. That's why, fuckers.

Comic Books -- Ok, so maybe it's mostly Little Nemo

Not any single comic or trade paperback, but comic in general are a fucked up medium. Just think about it. You know why some of these stories are comics? Because nobody else other than a comic book company would have the balls to tell these stories. Going way back to the late 1800's when comics were really first accepted as a story telling device, such as Little Nemo in Slumberland, a comic published in the New York Herald from 1905 until 1927. Even by today's standards this was one dark and surreal comic, filled with all kinds of fucked up shit. Today, it doesn't matter what you're into (you sick fuck) there's a comic out there for you.

Television - Or the lack therefore of

What the fuck is up with TV? Everyone I know always says "Two hundred channels of nothing," and I cringe every single fucking time. STOP SAYING IT! We know there's nothing on! TV sucks! The entire entertainment industry designed to keep your attention away from what's really going on behind the curtains that the Wizard hides behind. That being said, I still spend a good three or four hours in front of my television every single day, even more on the weekend. I even have the enhanced package with the extra channels. I really like Supernatural and My Name is Earl.

Microwaveable Meat - The devil's secret weapon

Never eat this shit. Ever. It is so nasty. I had five. I have three left. I wish I had not eaten the other two. Still gives me shivers thinking about it. The... object seen here is Lilydale Latitudes Chicken Tomato Primavera & Bell Peppers.
Here are the "cooking" directions:

Tear pouch slightly at notch to vent and place upright in microwave. Microwave on high for 60 seconds. Pull tear strip to open and carefully pour contents onto plate. Mix and match with Latitudes chicken dishes.

I don't know about you, but that doesn't sound exactly safe. But fuck it, I have a stomach of steel! There are few foods that can scare me. No matter how old. I could do Survivor challenges (am I the only one still making Survivor jokes?). I swear to god, I have never eaten anything so vial in my life. Sweep the floor, vacuum the carpet, mix that in a pot with five year old tomatoes then take a big shit in it. That's what this tasted like.

Rock on!
Steve Danger