Thursday Night with Steve Danger - November 27th, 2008

Holy fuck, I can't believe I'm actually continuing this stupid idea this week. But what the fuck, it's for a good cause, right? The good cause being getting others to write blogs as well because lord knows I don't want to read this, so why would you? I've decided the best thing to do is just pick three topics and blab on about them for a little bit. This week is drinking, McDonald's and putting starfish in their place.

Drunk Ideas... that sounded great at the time

Like most people, there have been a few times in my life where I did something stupid because I was drinking... ok, so there's been many, many times in my life I did something stupid because I was drinking and the only reason I did it was because it seemed like a good idea at the time. So I've written up the Top Five things NOT TO DO when drinking.

5. NEVER drink Jägermeister. Ever. You might end up naked under a tree. That's best case scenario.

4. DON'T drunk dial ANYONE for ANY REASON. This includes txt's and e-mails. Not even your dog.

3. STAY with a group you know, before you wake up in a gutter. Naked... in another time zone.

2. Shopping while drunk is a NO-NO. Especially TP. Double especially if you try to use it before you leave the store.

1. Riding a bike sounds like a good idea. It's not. Trust me. I'm not going to tell you why, just don't do it. EVER.

McDonalds and why Ronald will fuck your shit up

I swear, as quickly as it goes straight through me -- and I mean right through me, I have a big old squishy shit about half an hour after anything with the golden arches logo -- it's still the only food that makes me feel better when I'm sick, well, their fries anyway. But I also have some words for those "I don't eat McDonald's" people: You're a fucking liar. You've eaten McDonald's, hell, you've eaten McDonald's and liked it. Then you turned around and lied to everyone, but mostly yourself when you said "McDonald's is gross". Shut the fuck up and grab yourself a Big Mac. Sure, it doesn't even taste like meat anymore, but there's so much fucking sugar and fat in just one double quarter pounder with cheese that it'll clog your arteries just as fast. Everyone knows your secret, you're a "rebel", going against the grain. Just because there's a McDonald's around every corner, in damn near every city in the world, some out in the middle of rain forests and probably a few floating out in the middle of the ocean randomly. You can't fight that. Not even the American Army could fight that. If it was a war between a country and all the McDonald's employees world wide, in sheer manpower it would not be fight, McDonald's would massacre you, and look at the shit they pour down your throat, they have no mercy. So bow down before the clown or he'll fuck your shit up.

Fucking smug ass shithead starfish

You heard me. Starfish. Fuck starfish. Think they're better than us, all growing back entire bodies. How much would that suck? I get my arm chopped off but I don't grow a new one nor does my arm grow an entire fucking me. Everyone would hate that shit, "look! I'm alive and well! And there's FIVE of me now!" Man, imagine if Hitler were a Starfish, ten bucks says we wouldn't think they're so goddamn pretty. They're fucking creepy. And don't get me started on sea-horses, fuck you sea-horses.

And that's all I got for this week.

Rock on!
Steve Danger