Thursday Night with Steve Danger - December 4th, 2008

Automatic Bathrooms and the a civilization doomed to stupidity

Know what else I'm sick of. These new "modern" bathrooms. Just setting us up for an even stupider next generation. There's not even a damn door on these things anymore, have you noticed that? No, instead you get this twisted hallway maze. Then the first thing I notice is most places have taken the peeker-guard out, so there's nothing there from to protect you from the lurking eyes of the peepers. Then you go to reach for the flusher stick, but what!? Where the fuck did it go, so you look for it and as you move about the fucking thing magically flushes on it's own! HOLY SHIT! That's fucking amazing, so you bounce around the bathroom for a minute, or if you're like me for twelve fucking minutes straight trying to figure out how the fuck you just did that, looking like some Downs Syndrome kid hopped up on speed! Tounge out and as many fucked up faces you can muster, shaking your ass, flailing your limbs about to get it going again. Then when you're finally worn out from that it's time to wash your hands, but something doesn't seem right... oh shit! THERE'S NO FUCKING TAPS! So you bustle around looking for anyway to wash your hands because you were so goddamn freaked out by the magical flushing toilet you accidentally got some on your hands. You can't meet your girlfriend's father with piss on your hands!! Unless he drunkly raped your girlfriend's pet sheep once on her tenth birthday, that bastard can rot in hell. But no, so you panic, grabbing at the tap, to find that once, yes, it too is automatic! Fucking technology! Wonder of the ages!!! Alas, it's also depressing because it feels like SOMEONE IS PISSING ON YOUR FUCKING HANDS! What happened to a little something called WATER PRESSURE! Just a little bit, is that enough to ask? C'MON! So you sit there, and sit there and sit there before your hands are wet enough to properly employ the right amount of soap, yet it still doesn't lather, you rub and rub and rub and it doesn't lather, it just get slimy! Then you try to wash it off but it doesn't come off, that fucking automatic tap keeps fucking with you, just as you feel it start to come off the tap automatically shuts off!!! Off and on off and on for minutes while you frantically try and get the living slime that has decided your hands are the perfect home and refuses to leave off when you realize you've been in there for 20 goddamn minutes! So faster your scrub and when you think you got it all and shut off the taps you still feel it, it didn't go anywhere, it just embedded deeper! So you sit there for another five minutes scrubbing! FINALLY! IT'S GONE! VICTORY OVER THE EVIL CLING-ON SOAP SLIME CREATURE! Now, for the victory drying! Wow! They even still have paper towels! Good old paper towels, something you can finally touch! So you go for the lever... AND THERE'S NO FUCKING LEVER! What the fuck happened to the fucking lever! Then it dawns on you and you become sad with the simple realization that we no longer live in a society that promotes closeness as paper towel pours out single sheet at a time automatically.

Can't be 'em... gang up together and steal

Goddamn Canadian government. Harper's a fuck up, he's screwing the Canadian people over, doing all sorts of shady business (like this thing about putting 14 year old kids and mental patients in regular prisons, no? How about cutting funding for the arts and many, many other funding cuts? "Pop-up schools" ring any bells?), not doing a goddamn thing about our economy which needs a boost before it seriously begins to free fall like the Americans; the Conservative party leadership members have gotten bigger pay raises this year than ever before... the sad part? He's STILL the more qualified leader than his opponents. After I voted, (NDP out of habit) I stopped and for the first time actually thought about our parties leaders... not a goddamn one of them is worth voting for.

Now, being a bunch of whiners, they go and create a "Canadian Coalition" to oust PM Harper. Sure, our liberal parties finally joining together sounds all fine and dandy, until you stop to think that these are the same assholes who campaigned against one another using mud slinging tactics (Harper was the only one not to use scare tactics and tried to present himself as the "regular guy" candidate), it's dirty politics. What happens if they do succeed? Well shit, then we go back to the goddamn polls and we have three leaders fighting against each other trying to use one another for the "ultimate position". Nothing would change. They don't want to help Canadians, they want to help themselves, their constituents and power backers to make money, that's all.

I ain't voting this next time around, not until we get some better party leaders... there's just nobody worth voting for. Fuck all four parties. Vote for Steve Danger.

Rock on!
Steve Danger